Creative Counselling – Writing a Letter and Burning it

I was introduced to letter writing when I was going through counselling myself. I resisted it. For three weeks, my counsellor would gently enquire “Have you written that letter?” and holding shame inside I would say no. Why didn’t I write it straight away? That is a hard question to answer. I struggled with the idea of writing down my thoughts. It made me feel stupid; I didn’t want to do something I was being told to do; I didn’t want to let go of the pain that was pulling me down. What was so hard about writing a letter that I knew only I was going to read. The one part I really liked the idea of was burning it and watching it turn to ashes. I In writing this now, I can see that my teenage self was definitely in control!

In the end, I took a deep breath and wrote the letter. My motivation was knowing I would be burning it at the end.

I let rip. I healed. I felt better. It released something in me that talking had started. It let my brain connect the dots. The process of honouring the wounded part of me, of giving her space and compassion and then giving her a voice.

Writing a letter

Here’s how this can work for you…

How to start your letter

Get a pen and paper. Find a safe space to sit quietly, take some deep breaths and give yourself a little space to connect with your experience, connect with the emotions that are present.

This can feel unnatural if you are in pain from your experiences and your natural instinct is to push them away or run and hide from them. Take your time and be kind to yourself as you let yourself feel.

Start writing the letter with the name of the person you are writing to:

Dear…..

How to release - the first half

Start writing. Let rip. Let the words flow on the page, let your letter grow. Writing a letter like you talk, as if you are having a conversation rather than a formal letter can often help.

If at first the words don’t come out, this is ok. Start small. If you need some prompts, pull up an emotion wheel to help you find some words to describe what you are feeling.

Keep writing this part of your letter until you feel you have said everything there is to say. Once you have released this part of you, take a few moments, scan your body to see how it is feeling, are you holding tension anywhere? Do you feel something physically?

How to heal - the second half

Now its time to think about how you want the future to look. Once again, begin writing and let your thoughts flow through to words on your page. This is your letter. It doesn’t need to make sense. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Some questions that might help as prompts - How do you want to feel? How do you want to think? Where are you? What are you doing? What makes you feel safe? Who is in your life to make you feel like the person you want to be? Who is not in your life?

Once you are finished, take another moment to be with yourself. How do you feel now, have the sensations in your body changed? Moved? Can you feel something that you didn’t before?

Burning it!

Although this is a letter that you have written with someone in mind, this is a letter for you. These are your thoughts and this experience is for you.

Once your letter is complete, it can be really symbolic to burn the letter. An ending that you are in control of. Letting go of your past. A symbol of releasing everything that you have thought about, processed and written down. Watch the letter burn. Watch the smoke rise. Watch the paper turn into ashes. Watch your words melt away.

Writing a letter and burning it - why do it?

Sometimes we need to have a conversation with someone without hearing their perspective. When you think about it, we do this in our heads all the time. How many times have you walked away from a situation and thought, I wish I had said... . Letter writing offers you the opportunity to get those thoughts out and then write the future that you want. It can help you to work out what isn't working for you and what you actually need to feel whole and be able to move forward in the direction that is right for you.

So what's stopping you from trying something new - writing a letter and burning it might just help you. Give it a go today.

If you would like support in finding ways to heal your past and work out what your future looks like, give me a shout to arrange an initial chat or first session. I offer in person, online and telephone counselling.