Effective communication skills for couples

As part of my counselling work, I often talk with clients about how communication is key to relationships. Developing effective communication skills as a couple can enhance your relationship and also improve your own self esteem and self confidence.

Boundaries

Understanding your own needs in your life and in the relationship is essential. How can you communicate who you are and what you need if you haven’t worked it out for yourself?

Communicating Emotions

Do you let yourself feel your emotions? Can you put words to them? Do you think they are important? To allow your partner to be on board with where you are, you need to let yourself get there first.

Meeting each other in the middle: Applying Effective communication skills for couples

Speaking from experience, there are times when I think I’m right and my partner is wrong. Does this lead to effective communication? Not really, it tends to lead to drama. Finding a way to voice your thoughts, your emotions and your needs alongside acknowledging and accepting that your partner may think and feel differently is a big step towards communicating effectively.

Next time you find things heating up, take a moment for yourself.

Ask yourself what am I feeling? What do I need?

Work this out before taking it back to the conversation and try this:

I see you are [identify their emotion i.e. angry, excited, scared, etc] and that you need [identify their need i.e. to make a plan, to crack on, to walk away]; I feel… and I need… so how can we make this work?

Compromise isn’t always easy and doing this while maintaining your boundaries can take practice. Be kind to yourself. We don’t always get things right the first time when we try something new, and sometimes we get kick back from the other person. Hold your boundaries, trust your judgement and you will find your way.

If you would like to understand more about your communication style, emotions or boundaries, feel free to contact me for an initial chat or to arrange a counselling session. Based in Eldwick, West Yorkshire, I offer in person, online and telephone counselling focussing on grief and loss, family difficulties and anxiety.